Visiting Martians

Here is a unique way to ease children into unfamiliar situations.

 

VISITING MARTIANS

Lisa started at the preschool last week. Her parents had just moved to the community, so within the last few weeks, she had left one home and was getting accustomed to another. She had been in a different preschool at her former home too.

I met Lisa on her fourth day of school. Her eyes were wide, as she participated in the classroom routine in the three-year-old room and followed the teacher's lead.

During circle time, with stories, songs, and games, she refused all opportunities to speak. With each mute response, the teacher redoubled her efforts, becoming quite focused on getting Lisa to speak, all to no avail.

The teacher's anxiety was conveyed to the other children, so they began to ask, "Why doesn't she talk?" Lisa herself looked increasingly uncomfortable.

When I left at the end of the morning, the teacher pulled me aside and wondered what she should do about Lisa. My advice was to treat her as a distinguished visiting Martian.

I had to explain what I meant. Here is a child who has just entered a strange new world, much as if an alien descended from a space ship. She is trying to figure out the customs and habits of life in this new place.

What better way to do it than to observe without having to participate? By participating she opens herself up to the risk of appearing alien, so better to sit back and figure out this brave new world.

In a rush to fit the child into the classroom, there was no recognition of the time an individual needs to acclimatate.

If we really did have a distinguished visiting Martian in our midst, we would be reluctant to call attention to the fact that she hadn't yet figured out our ways, so we would continue with normal practices, perhaps gently demonstrating or quietly explaining them as we went along.

Any clues we could give would help the Martian think, "Aha! So that's what they're doing and why they're doing it!"

Such information would be subtle, not calling attention to the fact that the newcomer didn't get it, so the distinguished visitor would not be embarrassed.

We would convey an implicit message of welcome rather than censure, so that the visitor would not feel stressed in addition to uncertain. Others in the environment would pick up on our cues, and would continue calmly, without undue attention to the newcomer.

This is a distinguished visitor, so we would be focused on her needs, rather than focusing on keeping our world running smoothly. We would be sensitive to her clues about readiness for fitting in, and follow her lead.

Notice that much of this was different from the initial classroom experience, indeed from the usual way we treat children entering a new experience, trying quickly to mold them into our ways, so that we have the least disruption to the routine.

Try imagining children to be distinguished visiting Martians to ease the way for them to become comfortable in our new world.

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