Potty Training Incentives That Work

Sometimes toddlers need a little motivation for taking the leap from diapers to the big-kid potty chair. Here are some ideas for fun and effective potty training. What has worked for you?

Sticker Chart
Create a day-to-day chart and decorate it with your child's favorite superhero or TV character. After each successful trip to the bathroom, she can place a colorful sticker on the chart.

Potty Log

Purchase (or make from scrapbook paper like we did) a colorful journal and use it to write a personalized story of your child's journey from diapers to fully potty trained. Have your child star as the hero, of course. After each successful trip, add a little to the story with the help of your kiddo.

Coloring Book

Let your child color a drawing after each trip to the bathroom. After he's fully potty trained, you can treasure his art and remember the big achievement.

Books

Books can be incentives in a number of ways. Try one of these ideas to get toddlers reading and potty training:

* Keep a stash of books in the bathroom that are only for use while on the toilet.

* Get your toddler comfortable in bathroom by having him sit on the toilet fully clothed as you read a book. When he's ready, have him sit without the diaper.

* Take a trip to the bookstore and have your child pick out new books, but let him read the special potty books only when going to the bathroom.

Drink & Wet Doll

Buy a potty-training "drink and wet" doll and have your toddler teach her baby how to go to the bathroom. By teaching the doll, she will be potty training herself without even knowing it.

Door Hanger

Make the bathroom a fun space by having your toddler decorate a door hanger and signs with stickers, markers, and puffy paint.

Big-Kid Underwear

Let your kiddo pick out new underwear with bright patterns or favorite TV characters as encouragement, and tell him he's ready to wear them like other big kids. He might want to try the underwear over his diaper first, but the building curiosity can lead to success.

Water Colors

Dye the toilet water with red or blue food coloring -- when he goes potty it will change color to orange or green, turning potty training into a game. As your little boy gets older, he will love this motivation as he learns to aim.

M&Ms

Put a small bowl on the counter to fill with M&Ms, poker chips, or marbles for every victorious potty trip. When the bowl is full, give your child a reward. Your little one will be proud of successful bathroom trips and look forward to a little treat.

Reward Bag

Put several inexpensive toys and stickers into a colorful gift bag. Every time your child uses the toilet, allow him to take one surprise out of the bag.

Personalize the Potty

Using stickers is an easy way to decorate the potty chair. Let your little one place her favorite stickers on the potty -- having a personalized chair will make her more excited to train.

Help from His Lovey

If your child is still attached to his comfort item, let him take that to the potty with him. It will give him a sense of security as he moves into this next big step.

By Brooklyn Presta

Ungrateful Children

Negotiating with children can create a power play with parents. Here are some ideas to minimize the conflict.

Ungrateful Children

"Just once more, Mom! Pleeeease?" My daughter, Stella, 6, was begging me to let her go down the slide again before we left the playground. By itself, the request was no biggie. But the previous slide was supposed to be her last, and I was tired of negotiating. Plus, I felt like I had spent all day dealing with her requests to push the limits: one more chapter in the Junie B. Jones book, five more minutes at a playdate, another Curious George episode, and a cookie even though she already ate an ice pop.

Would she ever be satisfied? "It may drive you crazy, but it's normal for 5- and 6-year-olds to test limits," says Parents advisor Jenn Berman, Psy.D., author of SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years. "This is when kids become astute at articulating thoughts and negotiating nuances, and they're testing those skills on you."

The good news, Dr. Berman says, is that repeated requests don't mean your child is becoming greedy or selfish. In fact, kids usually outgrow this stage by age 8 or 9. That's little consolation when you're dealing with your child's 100th plea and you're so sick of talking about it that you want to scream. Especially since that's what our child-development experts say not to do. We asked for their best tips on what to try instead.

Make a Deal

Your child is most likely to push the limits that occur on a regular basis, probably when he's having fun or trying to delay something he hates. Use that to your advantage by getting him on board beforehand. So, if your son always asks for one more chapter in his Magic Tree House book at bedtime, while you're eating dinner, decide together how many chapters you'll read. Make him feel invested in the decision by giving him two choices you're okay with -- something like, "Should we read one chapter or two?" Then, even if he asks for one more when you're done, you can say, "You love stories, but remember, you said two chapters at dinner. Maybe tomorrow we can read more," suggests Harvey Karp, M.D., a Parents advisor and creator of The Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD and book.

Put in Your Notice

We all know it's important to give toddlers a lot of early warnings before transitions like leaving a friend's house, but sometimes we forget that older kids need one too. "Even adults need help shifting gears," Dr. Berman says. "If I'm browsing at the bookstore with my husband and all of a sudden he says, 'Okay, let's go. I've had enough,' it's frustrating. I do better if he gives me a ten-minute warning."

Five- and 6-year-olds don't need constant reminders, but warn your child at the halfway point and at least once just before an activity ends. In your reminder, try to anticipate her comeback. So if she usually argues after a game of Candy Land that you have to play one more so she can have a chance to beat you, you could say at the outset, "If I win again, this is still going to be our last game. You can try again next time to beat me."

Feel Their Pain

Even if you make a deal in advance and remind your child of the limit, what should you do if he still pleads for more? Research shows that he'll be more likely to be cooperative -- rather than confrontational -- if you express empathy. For example, before you say no, tell your child you understand his frustration. In other words, when your child spots a toy car and a pack of trading cards and insists, "But I want both of them," your first response should be a calm "I know you do, sweetie."

"Your empathy calms him and helps him get back into a rational, thinking state," says Liann Smith, a parent coach and educator in Seattle. Then you can remind him of the rule, which hopefully you established before you entered the store: "We agreed you could pick out one thing, right?"

Stand Your Ground

Sometimes, no matter how sympathetic you sound, your child won't move on. Maybe it's time to leave a playdate at a friend's house and she starts to whine and beg, coming up with a myriad of reasons she needs more time there. Go ahead and hear out her arguments, Dr. Berman says, and explain your reasoning if necessary. If it becomes clear that she's arguing just for the sake of arguing, put your foot down. That might mean saying, "I'm not going to talk about this anymore" and walking away.

Or try this tip from Hal Runkel, an Atlanta-based therapist and author of ScreamFree Parenting: Say, "No, my decision is final,' over and over again, until your child stops arguing. "It's okay to sound like a broken record," Runkel says. "But don't get angry. If you get angry, she'll focus on your behavior instead of focusing on her own."

By Michelle Crouch

Originally published in the January 2011 issue of Parents magazine.