DON’T SQUEAL UNLESS IT’S A BIG DEAL

 

DON’T SQUEAL UNLESS IT’S A BIG DEAL   By Jeanie Ransom, Magination Press, 2006   Perhaps one of the most annoying things that children do is tattle. Guaranteed to drive parents and teachers crazy, the tattler may be motivated by wanting to look like "the good child," or to be appreciated as helpful, to get back at another child, especially a bigger sibling, or even to just get some attention. Tattletales become distinctly unattractive to other children, who won't play with someone who commonly says, "I'm telling!" One of our goals with children is to help them learn how to solve problems on their own, while encouraging them to use adult assistance when they really need to. This humorous book, for preschoolers and primary grade children, tells the story of nineteen students in Mrs. McNeal's class, all of whom were tattletales. After the teacher's patience has worn out, she decides to add a new rule for the class—Don't Squeal unless it's a Big Deal, explaining that most problems that happen between kids are kid-sized problems that they can work out for themselves, usually by talking, listening, and helping each other. When something happens, however, that's bigger than a kid-sized problem, like when someone is hurt or in danger, or when a person is hurting them or has something that doesn't belong to the individual, it's an emergency, and that's when it's okay to get help from the grownup. The story gives children a chance to practice the new rule, and they learn firsthand when squealing is a good idea. Often adults mistakenly assume that ignoring tattling is the best approach, or they may simply cut it off, saying, "I don't want to hear any more about this. Your job is to worry about you." These tactics are usually not very effective, as children need to learn skills and strategies to handle small problems on their own, and to distinguish them from the big stuff. An experienced preschool teacher friend tells me that she usually acknowledges children's tattles with a simple, "Thank you." This doesn't commit herself to any course of action, but does recognize the child's awareness of a rule, of learning right from wrong, and may be enough to remind the child that (s)he can handle it. If the child still seems disturbed, she asks, "Was he getting hurt? Was anyone else getting hurt? Was anything being broken?" and so on, to help the child sort out the issue. After this, she may prompt with, "Is there something you could do about solving that problem for yourself?" With youngest children, adults may need to respond by teaching specific steps to take when someone annoys them, such as talking to other children directly about how the behavior makes them feel or what they need, walking away from the problem or finding alternative toys or activities. It may also be important to give support in the beginning while children try out these strategies, such as "I'm going to help you tell your sister instead of telling me about it." Learning to distinguish between big deal and small-sized problems and what to do about each is an important lesson that will last a lifetime. © Growing Child 2013