The Boy Who Wouldn't Share by Mike Reiss

This book is available in our library.
"Most children, by the age of three, understand that expected good behavior
involves allowing others to play with their toys, or also have a cookie. But
understanding and being able to do it, graciously or grudgingly, are two
different things." 


THE BOY WHO WOULDN'T SHARE By Mike Reiss, Illustrated by David Caltrow Harper Collins

Normally I stay away from morality tales, feeling that the precious time of
reading to children should not be spoiled by heavy-handed messages. But this
book is irresistible, and if the youngsters also get a message about the
importance of sharing, so be it! The wickedly funny rhymes and comic
illustrations carry the story of how "Edward was a frightful boy who
wouldn't share a single toy."

Patient little sister Claire accepts it all, until Edward has amassed all
his toys into a great heap, even the ones he doesn't really want or need. 

But, oh, no! "When Edward's mom came in with fudge, Edward found he couldn't
budge. His mother didn't see him there, and so she gave it all to Claire." 

You can almost predict the ending, and I predict that your children will
love the book and get the message. Don't expect, though, that this will
miraculously end all the sibling squabbles over possessions and privileges.
Sharing is hard work. 

Most children, by the age of three, understand that expected good behavior
involves allowing others to play with their toys, or also have a cookie. But
understanding and being able to do it, graciously or grudgingly, are two
different things. 

The egocentric nature of the young child usually wins out. You can almost
see the warring emotions on their faces: wanting to do the right thing, but
too drawn to the coveted object. 

Between siblings, sometimes it is the principle of the thing. Particularly
oldest children have to struggle with their unarticulated sense that this
young usurper has already taken so much from them in the form of parental
attention and affection that they are DARNED if they can have their teddy
bear too! As I'm sure you have already discovered, you can forcefully make a
child share, but this graceless coercion surely only reinforces the child's
sense of unfairness. No, the only final solution is to gradually help the
child see the sense in acting in more generous ways.

So you create opportunities to share, like handing the sharing-challenged
child two cookies and say, "Please take this to your brother." Or saying, "I
need two helpers to carry the two handles of the laundry basket, please."
Such structured situations allow the children to both enjoy the interaction
and discover they feel good about themselves doing it.

Find things that you know the older child has no interest in any more, and
suggest that they offer them to the sibling. Again, the good feelings at
being able to do this will reinforce the concept.

Whenever the child does something even halfway gracious, be sure to take
note and specifically praise the activity: "Thanks for letting Tommy use
your truck. I know he enjoyed using it." Comment on the benefits to sharing:
"When you each have a truck, it's more fun to play, isn't it?"

Model sharing yourself, with other family members or visitors. Remember that
children learn so many important lessons when they see them being practiced
by beloved adults. Remember that learning to share is a process, and expect
lapses along with successes. But expect that this is something children can
learn, and don't allow selfishness to become a habit.

The citizens of our world will appreciate your parental efforts. 

  _____  

(c) Growing Child 2011